Heart and Soul

This past week has been eventful; I can’t thank people enough for all the wonderful birthday wishes and encouraging support for my Ride to Conquer Cancer. The messages encouragement and support were over whelmingly wonderful. 

Last week was a big week; first I was called back for more tests, I know gross. As a cancer survivor the risk of “it” returning is on your mind all the time. My last oncology appointment he said you can’t worry about that and walked away. Yah Thanks Not worrying about it, is not really an option.  

I went in for a routine x-ray for a different issue and lucky me it came back with issues and the radiologist won’t sign off on my x-rays and wants more tests done. Which is fine but I get the call from the doctor’s office we need to see you now. I ask if I can make appointment for next week they tell me no he wants to see you today. Ok fine, I go in and in my x-ray there is a problem and now they want a bone scan ASAP. Because I will never be cancer free everything looks suspect and everything is questioned, in hind sight is good I guess. Any way had all the tests done and now I wait. Trying not to worry (hahaha) 

Fortunately, this past weekend was the Ride to Conquer Cancer and there is no better way to spend time worrying about cancer returning than with a large group of people trying to beat cancer with you. 

This year we had 1402 riders. I swear every single one of them had words of encouragement for me. This is my community and I couldn’t be more proud of them. The volunteers are just wonderful, all their time and energy to help all of us be successful makes my heart sing. 

Then there is the Alberta Cancer Foundation; they are so amazing I can actually say I owe my life to them. I have a place so full of positive words and hugs it is just the best. The money we raise from the ride to goes help people like me in Alberta. They fund research here. So not only are they funding research here they are actually researching my type of cancer here which is pretty cool. Research is making huge strides every day. So the weekend was a huge success and Monday, I found out that the cancer has not spread. 

One very happy camper here! And yes I am signed up for next years ride, lucky #9


I WILL FIGHT FOR ME

I was reminded this week that doctors have bad days too.

I had my oncology checkup and it went horribly sideways to the point I felt just destroyed.  I was so upset that when I got home I went to bed and just hid for the balance of the day and night.

I always schedule my GP appointments the following day to oncology.  My GP is amazing I explained what happened and how I felt destroyed (yes crying my eyes out). She went through everything with me, what he did and what he said.  While this didn’t change anything I still have cancer and I am still on meds every day and there is nothing that can be done, but  I don’t feel as destroyed as I did.  

The whole process reminded me that as I have bad days at work so can a doctor. It’s just that my bad days don’t impact anyone’s life. When an oncologist says there is nothing we can do to his patient; that is very different to when a cashier or teacher or financial analyst like me says it.

I know all too well what your oncologist says and how he/she says it has a huge impact on your day and on your survival. Don’t let one person’s day mess up  your day and or your life. Reach out, find the support you need. It can be anyone! For me and if you know me you know I have mentioned him before but my chiropractor is also an athletic therapist and works out of a gym, so the perfect combo for me; to put my frustration and anger into a positive channel. He has been with me during my whole cancer process even at the finish line of the Ride to Conquer Cancer.

Thank god I have such an amazing support team between my dear friends, GP and my Chiropractor I am alive and kicking.  Don’t get me wrong there are days like this past Wednesday when you think all is lost but let yourself find a way out, give yourself a pass and move forward.

I WILL FIGHT FOR ME

My First Winter with No Nipples

I do so enjoy having a blog, it is a great place to process “stuff” cancer can’t be all consuming if you let it.  

That being said it can also be strangely funny.  So that is where the title of today’s blog comes from “My First Winter with No Nipples” even just saying it to myself makes me smile.  Yes I know it is very serious subjects so please don’t be offended.

I find it odd that it is the nipple that makes showing breasts illegal and pornographic.  Pretty much everyone has nipples.  I would have thought it would have been the curve of the breast that was sensual. So in most of the modern world I can go topless without breaking any laws.

The next thing I find odd (now that I don’t have nipples) is the size of the industry to cover them up.  The modesty bra market is huge! So much money, time, and concern, to covering a nipple. Holy smoke again everyone has them!

I am very lucky, I have shape now (thank you to my surgeon) but couldn’t keep my nipples.  The risk of the cancer returning completely out weighted the need to keep them.  Yes I can have them tattooed if I want.  Right now I am leaning towards not doing that.

It is strangely liberating t to not worry about any of that; I can wear a t-shirt without hesitation or concern at how the world views my chest. I wear a bra when I want to – like when it’s pretty.  I do wear a sports bar when I workout for protection and sweat not for bounce or nipples.

I can walk in and out of the cold with no care or concern for the nipples affect :)

There aren’t many wins with breast cancer but celebrate this one with me “I have no nipples” wahooo xoxoxox

I WILL FIGHT FOR ME

Banging my Head Against a Wall

So today was an incredible frustrating day.  

As some of you may know, I started my company and my goal is to help cancer survivors get some of there strength back.  

I know first hand how difficult that is, no one will let you try. We don't let people be less than and help them work on being more than. Silly me thought a place that has a cancer support system in place would help with that.  They are more concerned with covering there ass. Or maybe it's just protecting there ass, they don't want to see the forest for the trees.

I don't know maybe; I need to start my own foundation and not worry about the negative folks.  Either way I will continue in my goal to help cancer survivors like me get there strength back. Whether is it with walking poles or in a pool or even just conversation like this. Let me know what you think.

I WILL FIGHT FOR ME