Honour Yourself

 I talk about my cancer allot and one of the things that people are surprised by is that I found the lump myself, through self breast exams. Yes they work, as part of my monthly routine I moisturize my whole body. Check yourself.  People are surprised that it works.  So many say back “I don’t really know what I am looking for” and I explain you are only looking for changes and you will know when it is something odd. If you honour yourself by moisturizing your body. It will reward you by knowing first if there is a problem you need to follow up on. So  I was thinking, if you could for breast cancer awareness month that is coming up,  make a  pledge where you will fight for yourself, moisturize and honour yourself by checking for changes not cancer just changes. 

The worst thing that could happen you get nice happy skin.

I WILL FIGHT FOR ME

Jeez I hate Cancer

So I saw my radiation oncologist yesterday. She confirmed I have lymphadema in my breast and chest. So what does that mean. Well my right boob that I had had the tumor and cancer, which I got ready to deal with it being small than the left one, is currently larger.  It is swollen and very sore. I get to massage it every night and fingers crossed in 6 months it should be better. The skin texture will take 2 to 3 years to go back to normal.

Strangely what bothers me most is when people find out I have breast cancer than stare at my chest, you can almost here them say it out loud, then why do you still have boobs. I will not apologize for having cancer or how I look. God someday's it feels like I have been doing that my whole life in one way or other. Afraid of people and what they think of me. I know crazy, but no more, this is me. Uneven, swollen and cancer kicking me.

Cancer is such a test of everything I have ever dealt with and then some. The next person you talk to who has cancer or even if they don't be kind they are dealing with allot of shit.


I WILL FIGHT FOR ME

The Ride Done and Dusted

Last weekend was the Ride to Conquer Cancer - it's 5th year and I have done all of them. This year was different.  It was a year less two days since I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I had the honour and privilege to be the ride survivor speaker at the opening ceremonies.  Yup I was a little freaked to speak to that large of a crowd, no hiding now, shit!

We had rehearsal on the Friday night before and I got through it, the MC Brian is a very kind man who's support and friendship have been outstanding.  Saturday morning OMG crowded.  Huge emotional moment but also cathartic.  It's interesting when you say things out loud, releasing them to the universe. They become over the top real but at the same time less scary. Just one more example of how the light and knowledge is how we will survive cancer and fingers crossed we will beat it.


this is me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4G428ko9LTY

I WILL FIGHT FOR ME

Another One Done

Today I finished another treatment. number 12 of 17.  God I still hate the way I smell after treatment. It is the epitome of a chemical smell but it is coming from inside me. yuck! 

Chemo clinic was very busy today so they took me in the bone marrow clinic, it was lovely and quite in there.  Had an outstanding nurse "Sarah" who was able to use a smaller needle in my chest not like the regular hose they use, that's what it feels and looks like anyway. Love people who always go the extra step! The staff at Tom Baker are amazing and do a lovely job with so many people. The lease I can do is do to chemo with a smile on my face and happy to be there.

Some good news it was confirmed this week I have no new tumors (yippee)  but they don't know why I am so swollen so on to the next expert in late August.  I have just been told to keep an eye on it.  If it changes colour or get hot to call the doctor asap.  Funny currently my half boob is bigger than it was when we started all this.

All in all a very stress couple of weeks have a happy ending well at least less stressful ending. 


I WILL FIGHT FOR ME

Exercise and Goals part two

Cool stuff about exercise is it gives you back parts of your life if you let it.  

For about 20 years I haven't been able to get up on a chair. You know when you can't reach something you pull up a chair and get it.  Well I have had to get a step ladder or get someone else to do it for me. (hated that)  But this week I got new curtains for my bedroom pulled up a chair and put them up.  It was so cool to be able to just step and down.  Very Happy!

I WILL FIGHT FOR ME

Exercise and My Goals

A question I have been asked by several people is what are my goals.  Depending on who's asking decides which ones we are talking about. In this case it is with regards to my weight.  All along I have been saying my goal is to be fit.  And I have to confess that is not completely true. If I was to be honest with myself I do want to be fit but I also really care about the number on the scale.  I want a number to be proud of.  I want a body and figure to be proud of before I die.  The last time I really felt like that I was a teenager. For a variety of reasons and events after that I started to hide myself. I became afraid. Now I can't really afford to do that any more.

It's time to get my head in shape and my body will follow.


I WILL FIGHT FOR ME

Ugh

So new lump find out Monday what it might be, hoping it's nothing but hard to sleep.