Hi Everyone; I hope you are well.
I am very happy to report that the infection is finally going down even I can tell now. I am still trying to walk everyday some days better than others :)
I had a really good day yesterday and god knows why, but a really difficult night. The emotional roller coaster of cancer can be a challenge some days.
People ask you all the time how you doing and you dare not answer the way you want too. 1. cause that doesn't help anyone including yourself and 2. they don't know you have been asked that by every single person you see the same question. They are just trying to show they care, it nice of them to ask.
So here it goes; I am not amazing, I am not fabulous, I am not awesome, I am also not bad, I am not that worried, what I am is OK. What does it means to be OK. It means I am holding my own and most days keeping my head up and eyes looking forward and staying positive (very important to me). I still have dreams, wishes and wants, I dream of a day with no cancer. I have made one major decision. I takes courage to be OK. It's not a bad thing to be OK it's a peaceful thing. So today I say with pride and quite resolve I am OK.
I WILL FIGHT FOR ME
P.S. please leave me a comment so I know you are OK to :)
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Saturday, October 3, 2015
Moving Forward
Hi Everyone;
Very happy to report, all drainage tubes are out and the infection is slowly going away!
I am very happy with the way I look and feel, yes I still have lots of healing to happen but everything is good. In two more weeks I can start physio. It was/is a challenge to not lift anything more than 5 pounds. In two weeks that is all done and I can start to push myself a bit more.
I do walk every day and get lots of fresh air and last Thursday I sat on a spin bike for 30 minutes. I was tired after but it felt great to be a bit more active.
I have manged to show a couple of friends my new chest and everyone is impressed on how it looks, no not normal but my new normal. For me it is strangely liberating not to have nipples. I know I have said that before but it is very true. I love my chest without nipples. Now my scares are different I haven't found any pictures that are like me and it may be that I had the double mastectomy with reconstruction at the same time. I have circles where my nipples would have been. This may be why I am ok with everything I have something there, not just plain skin.
So here is to my fab new chest!
I WILL FIGHT FOR ME
Very happy to report, all drainage tubes are out and the infection is slowly going away!
I am very happy with the way I look and feel, yes I still have lots of healing to happen but everything is good. In two more weeks I can start physio. It was/is a challenge to not lift anything more than 5 pounds. In two weeks that is all done and I can start to push myself a bit more.
I do walk every day and get lots of fresh air and last Thursday I sat on a spin bike for 30 minutes. I was tired after but it felt great to be a bit more active.
I have manged to show a couple of friends my new chest and everyone is impressed on how it looks, no not normal but my new normal. For me it is strangely liberating not to have nipples. I know I have said that before but it is very true. I love my chest without nipples. Now my scares are different I haven't found any pictures that are like me and it may be that I had the double mastectomy with reconstruction at the same time. I have circles where my nipples would have been. This may be why I am ok with everything I have something there, not just plain skin.
So here is to my fab new chest!
I WILL FIGHT FOR ME
Monday, September 21, 2015
Slowly
Hi
Well healing is a little slower than expected. It's over 5 weeks since surgery and I still have one drainage tube in, one of my abdomen tubes. I also have an infection in my left breast. So yes antibiotics.
I have been doing my exercises everyday and I can almost raise my hands above my head but still not allowed to lift anything over 5 pounds. OMG to my surprise everything is over 5 pounds. Part of this whole process I think is to teach me patience, yes yes I am a slow learner. :)
That being said I am still going some very cool things for example this coming Saturday; Alberta Health Services is partnering with the Public Library and the University of Calgary Oncology Dept on an event calling "Living Books" There will be 18 people who will talk about there cancer journey, some are survivors, some are doctors, some are researchers, some are family. They tell there story and you can chat with them and/or ask questions. Each person is an unique book. I am lucky enough to be going to the event and have a videographer follow me around to see all the different parts of the event and be kind of be a roving reporter. I also might be a Living Book by the end of the day.
If you are in the area it's 10:30 to 1:00 pm this Saturday at the main public library across from city hall hope to see you there!
I WILL FIGHT FOR ME
Well healing is a little slower than expected. It's over 5 weeks since surgery and I still have one drainage tube in, one of my abdomen tubes. I also have an infection in my left breast. So yes antibiotics.
I have been doing my exercises everyday and I can almost raise my hands above my head but still not allowed to lift anything over 5 pounds. OMG to my surprise everything is over 5 pounds. Part of this whole process I think is to teach me patience, yes yes I am a slow learner. :)
That being said I am still going some very cool things for example this coming Saturday; Alberta Health Services is partnering with the Public Library and the University of Calgary Oncology Dept on an event calling "Living Books" There will be 18 people who will talk about there cancer journey, some are survivors, some are doctors, some are researchers, some are family. They tell there story and you can chat with them and/or ask questions. Each person is an unique book. I am lucky enough to be going to the event and have a videographer follow me around to see all the different parts of the event and be kind of be a roving reporter. I also might be a Living Book by the end of the day.
If you are in the area it's 10:30 to 1:00 pm this Saturday at the main public library across from city hall hope to see you there!
I WILL FIGHT FOR ME
Sunday, September 6, 2015
New and Happy
Hi Everyone;
As you know 3 weeks ago I had a double mastectomy and reconstruction. I choose not to have implants. I wasn't comfortable with the idea of having something foreign in my body, ok for some just not for me. They took my tummy fat and skin and rebuilt me. It was a tissue transplant that took 12.5 hours. I know that's a long time to be on the table, but I did great.
So with that process I also lost my nipples. And I am totally ok with that. I love my new boobs, don't get me wrong I still have drainage tubes in and huge swelling but I already love them.
When they took my nipples that area had to be replaced with skin from my tummy, but in a strange turn of events you see with my tummy skin you can see stretch marks they got moved too. I think it is the most amazing thing because it says to me, this is still me and so me I love them. I didn't want to look artificial after everything was finished and I don't it's still all me. Strangely validating! With the tissue transplant all the extra stuff left over went in the trash, so I now have a very flat tummy, also very swollen with drainage tubes.
My amazing new boobs and flat tummy are a gift that I treasure and thank god for the most amazing surgical team in the world.
Maybe once all the swelling goes down and the tubes are out I will post a picture, we aren't that brave yet :)
I WILL FIGHT FOR ME
As you know 3 weeks ago I had a double mastectomy and reconstruction. I choose not to have implants. I wasn't comfortable with the idea of having something foreign in my body, ok for some just not for me. They took my tummy fat and skin and rebuilt me. It was a tissue transplant that took 12.5 hours. I know that's a long time to be on the table, but I did great.
So with that process I also lost my nipples. And I am totally ok with that. I love my new boobs, don't get me wrong I still have drainage tubes in and huge swelling but I already love them.
When they took my nipples that area had to be replaced with skin from my tummy, but in a strange turn of events you see with my tummy skin you can see stretch marks they got moved too. I think it is the most amazing thing because it says to me, this is still me and so me I love them. I didn't want to look artificial after everything was finished and I don't it's still all me. Strangely validating! With the tissue transplant all the extra stuff left over went in the trash, so I now have a very flat tummy, also very swollen with drainage tubes.
My amazing new boobs and flat tummy are a gift that I treasure and thank god for the most amazing surgical team in the world.
Maybe once all the swelling goes down and the tubes are out I will post a picture, we aren't that brave yet :)
I WILL FIGHT FOR ME
Thursday, August 13, 2015
How Do You Do That
Hi Everyone
As you know I lost half of my right breast to Cancer 3 years ago. Well tomorrow I will lose the rest of my breast tissue both side. By the end of tomorrow I will have had a double mastectomy and reconstruction. While this is reconstruction, I will have shape - no implants - using my own body tissue to recreate shape. What I do have to do is to say good bye to my nipples. Yes that's what I said.
Yes it sounds a like silly but I m trying to honour myself and at the same recognize my body will never be the same.
So many people have said well at least it's not a vital part of your body, I usually ask them if they would mind giving up the testicles. Yup they are quite after that. I know it is not a vital part and for the most part I am just fine with everything and this is a step forward, and fingers crossed next week I am cancer free and healing just fine.
I will take a shower before the hospital and soap them up for the last time. So when you take your shower tomorrow do me a favour - honour yourself and checking yourself. Then hopefully you will never have to say good bye to your nipples. Take care, and I will update you when I get home in a week or so.
Todays question "How would you say good bye to your nipples?"
I WILL FIGHT FOR ME
As you know I lost half of my right breast to Cancer 3 years ago. Well tomorrow I will lose the rest of my breast tissue both side. By the end of tomorrow I will have had a double mastectomy and reconstruction. While this is reconstruction, I will have shape - no implants - using my own body tissue to recreate shape. What I do have to do is to say good bye to my nipples. Yes that's what I said.
Yes it sounds a like silly but I m trying to honour myself and at the same recognize my body will never be the same.
So many people have said well at least it's not a vital part of your body, I usually ask them if they would mind giving up the testicles. Yup they are quite after that. I know it is not a vital part and for the most part I am just fine with everything and this is a step forward, and fingers crossed next week I am cancer free and healing just fine.
I will take a shower before the hospital and soap them up for the last time. So when you take your shower tomorrow do me a favour - honour yourself and checking yourself. Then hopefully you will never have to say good bye to your nipples. Take care, and I will update you when I get home in a week or so.
Todays question "How would you say good bye to your nipples?"
I WILL FIGHT FOR ME
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Next Steps are Good
Hi Everyone
So I have completed the next step I have met my surgical team it's actually three teams and surgery is about 12 hours. I know holy ssss.
My surgery is on August 11, 3 years and two days short of when I was first diagnoses. Can you believe it I have been dealing with Breast Cancer for three years now. My god the time did fly by.
In the last couple of weeks to get ready for surgery I think I have had everything tested, poked, x-ray, or scanned. And the nice thing is that absolutely everyone has been just lovely. Don't get me wrong there are some serious missings in the Health Care system but the people are amazing and they are doing there best with what they have to work with. I wonder everything a politician cuts services do they see there own families not getting the help they need. The Prime Minister and past Premier are from Calgary and I wonder how fast the new Cancer center might have been started if they couldn't travel and there wives needed treatment. Things that make you go hmmmmmm.
Anyway enough about that, all the stress that goes with getting ready for the hospital certainly puts everything in perspective at work. I can't fix everything and I can't get people to care about what I care about so letting it go. That is very difficult for me I care about what I do and take ownership of my responsibilities and duties. But when a hospital asks you what my plan is if everything doesn't go well in surgery and they want a copy of my living will. Yup everything went in respective order in a second.
I have also had some amazing things happen; I am part of the Alberta Cancer Foundation Cash and Cars lottery. I got to be in the brochure and in the T.V, commercial. And next week I also get to me in a video.
But most of all I am hugely thankful for my support team. My family first of course they have too :) After family there are the people that choose to be there. People like Danielle and Ashley and all the people I consider family xoxoxox
Last then there is Adam Bornstein and Mike Caione, there by the grace of god they came into my life and turned me into something more than a survivor, now I really am a survivor and a achiever of the very best. My goal in life is to help people in the same way they helped me. To believe in yourself is truly amazing gift you can give yourself.
Well that's enough for today, big week next week chat later xoxox
I WILL FIGHT FOR ME
So I have completed the next step I have met my surgical team it's actually three teams and surgery is about 12 hours. I know holy ssss.
My surgery is on August 11, 3 years and two days short of when I was first diagnoses. Can you believe it I have been dealing with Breast Cancer for three years now. My god the time did fly by.
In the last couple of weeks to get ready for surgery I think I have had everything tested, poked, x-ray, or scanned. And the nice thing is that absolutely everyone has been just lovely. Don't get me wrong there are some serious missings in the Health Care system but the people are amazing and they are doing there best with what they have to work with. I wonder everything a politician cuts services do they see there own families not getting the help they need. The Prime Minister and past Premier are from Calgary and I wonder how fast the new Cancer center might have been started if they couldn't travel and there wives needed treatment. Things that make you go hmmmmmm.
Anyway enough about that, all the stress that goes with getting ready for the hospital certainly puts everything in perspective at work. I can't fix everything and I can't get people to care about what I care about so letting it go. That is very difficult for me I care about what I do and take ownership of my responsibilities and duties. But when a hospital asks you what my plan is if everything doesn't go well in surgery and they want a copy of my living will. Yup everything went in respective order in a second.
I have also had some amazing things happen; I am part of the Alberta Cancer Foundation Cash and Cars lottery. I got to be in the brochure and in the T.V, commercial. And next week I also get to me in a video.
But most of all I am hugely thankful for my support team. My family first of course they have too :) After family there are the people that choose to be there. People like Danielle and Ashley and all the people I consider family xoxoxox
Last then there is Adam Bornstein and Mike Caione, there by the grace of god they came into my life and turned me into something more than a survivor, now I really am a survivor and a achiever of the very best. My goal in life is to help people in the same way they helped me. To believe in yourself is truly amazing gift you can give yourself.
Well that's enough for today, big week next week chat later xoxox
I WILL FIGHT FOR ME
Monday, June 22, 2015
Taken by Surprise
Hi everyone not sure why but Cancer still takes me by surprise.
I got to meet my surgeon yesterday it has taken 18 months to get in (I KNOW) but that's not for today.
We reviewed my file and all the oncology notes and such. To my surprise when he said I have to have a double mastectomy (well 1.5 mastectomy) To hear the surgeon say it shock me to my core. I knew this was coming but I don't think you can really prepare yourself to hear that out loud.
It is an all day surgery and I don't have the date yet; but here is the plan.
One team remove what I have left and then a second team will reconstruct my chest. I will get leg compression set up before I go into surgery to reduce blood clots (that's cool just like a pro cyclist) I am going a little bit smaller so apparently a littler easier to do. I am not having implants put in. Not that there is anything wrong with that but I don't want any stuff in my chest. If this was just a breast enhancement sure but this is cancer. So because no implants we are going to use my own tissue to rebuild, yes you got it my tummy will be my chest. I am looking forward to seeing how that pans out. He told me it is where the tissue comes from will hurt the most and I will have scares. I laughed scares are no problem they are my badges of survival I am very proud of them.
My nipples are a two part process of some fancy needlepoint done by the surgeon and then once all heeled some tattooing. Yup a bionic chest.
I am still keeping my head up and positive. I will keep you posted on when but for now. I will continue to get as strong as possible. I will be more than cancer and more than this event.
I WILL FIGHT FOR ME
I got to meet my surgeon yesterday it has taken 18 months to get in (I KNOW) but that's not for today.
We reviewed my file and all the oncology notes and such. To my surprise when he said I have to have a double mastectomy (well 1.5 mastectomy) To hear the surgeon say it shock me to my core. I knew this was coming but I don't think you can really prepare yourself to hear that out loud.
It is an all day surgery and I don't have the date yet; but here is the plan.
One team remove what I have left and then a second team will reconstruct my chest. I will get leg compression set up before I go into surgery to reduce blood clots (that's cool just like a pro cyclist) I am going a little bit smaller so apparently a littler easier to do. I am not having implants put in. Not that there is anything wrong with that but I don't want any stuff in my chest. If this was just a breast enhancement sure but this is cancer. So because no implants we are going to use my own tissue to rebuild, yes you got it my tummy will be my chest. I am looking forward to seeing how that pans out. He told me it is where the tissue comes from will hurt the most and I will have scares. I laughed scares are no problem they are my badges of survival I am very proud of them.
My nipples are a two part process of some fancy needlepoint done by the surgeon and then once all heeled some tattooing. Yup a bionic chest.
I am still keeping my head up and positive. I will keep you posted on when but for now. I will continue to get as strong as possible. I will be more than cancer and more than this event.
I WILL FIGHT FOR ME
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