Ok to be OK

Hi Everyone; I hope you are well.  

I am very happy to report that the infection is finally going down even I can tell now.  I am still trying to walk everyday some days better than others :)

I had a really good day yesterday and god knows why, but a really difficult night. The emotional roller coaster of cancer can be a challenge some days. 

People ask you all the time how you doing and you dare not answer the way you want too.  1. cause that doesn't help anyone including yourself and 2. they don't know you have been asked that by every single person you see the same question. They are just trying to show they care, it nice of them to ask.

So here it goes; I am not amazing, I am not fabulous, I am not awesome, I am also not bad, I am not that worried, what I am is OK. What does it means to be OK.  It means I am holding my own and most days keeping my head up and eyes looking forward and staying positive (very important to me). I still have dreams, wishes and wants, I dream of a day with no cancer.  I have made one major decision.  I takes courage to be OK. It's not a bad thing to be OK it's a peaceful thing. So today I say with pride and quite resolve I am OK.

I WILL FIGHT FOR ME

P.S. please leave me a comment so I know you are OK to :)

Moving Forward

Hi Everyone;

Very happy to report, all drainage tubes are out and the infection is slowly going away! 

I am very happy with the way I look and feel, yes I still have lots of healing to happen but everything is good. In two more weeks I can start physio.  It was/is a challenge to not lift anything more than 5 pounds.  In two weeks that is all done and I can start to push myself a bit more. 

I do walk every day and get lots of fresh air and last Thursday I sat on a spin bike for 30 minutes.  I was tired after but it felt great to be a bit more active. 

I have manged to show a couple of friends my new chest and everyone is impressed on how it looks, no not normal but my new normal.  For me it is strangely liberating not to have nipples. I know I have said that before but it is very true. I love my chest without nipples. Now my scares are different I haven't found any pictures that are like me and it may be that I had the double mastectomy with reconstruction at the same time. I have circles where my nipples would have been.  This may be why I am ok with everything I have something there, not just plain skin.  

So here is to my fab new chest!

I WILL FIGHT FOR ME