Sunday, June 30, 2013

The Luxury of Bullshit

The luxury of bullshit. I know what the hell is that.  It is what I call what cancer has done to my everyday thinking.  

The luxury of bullshit is what you have before you are told you have cancer.  After that, if I wanted to survive I had to let go of all the bullshit. You know the shit you tell yourself that stops you being, the best you can be. 

It comes with the idea we have a limited time left.  It might not happen to everyone but it did me.  This last year two major things have happened.  One I was told I have breast cancer and the second I had decided to get healthy just before my diagnosis. Both items are inter-connected and strangely, I couldn't have done without the other.  What the hell does that have to do with bullshit you ask.  Well, to deal with the cancer; I decided to face it head on, eyes wide open to all of it, good and bad. My treatment plan is pretty hard core. As a result to be successful I could no longer lie to myself I had to see me for me. This ended up being the best thing for my second goal to get healthy.  The only reason I was overweight was, that I was bullshitting myself everyday. I was holding myself back from being the best Mary Beth there is, just because of fear.  Silly but very real fears.  So thank you to cancer and eliminating the luxury of bullshit.  I am 3/4 of my way through cancer treatment and 3/4 way to my first very major goal weight in 35 years. 

No more hiding!

I have a group of people that have been outstanding support - you know who you are. All my love to you. xoxoxoxox

I WILL FIGHT FOR ME

Friday, June 14, 2013

2/3rd's of the way

Yippee I am now two thirds of the way through treatment.

Healing from radiation took longer than expected. I had quite the radiation burn. It sounds funny but the inside of my breast (boob) is sore and tender.  The bounce is not good :).  I have started swimming, aquasize, which I love great for my hips and legs but some of the bouncing hurts even in the water.  I tried a new swim suit which is a sports suit and it's ok while it's dry but once we are wet :(

Everyone in radiation was just lovely.  I have meet some amazing people.  At your last radiation appointment you get to ring a bell. (popular ritual) any way I had gone to the appointment alone and wasn't going to bother but my radiation tech said, "oh yes we are, this is important and a way to release and move forward". So she came with me and I rang the bell, everyone in the waiting room cheered. She was right I am very grateful to her.