Careful what you read or take in

A couple of weeks ago I got an email from a co-worker, she had heard what I was dealing with.  She wanted to share her story and the story of a friend.  It was a long email with allot of info on how she felt and what I think she is still dealing with. I do hope she has a therapists to help with that.

I have found with cancer everyone heals with it differently and everyone takes in different info.  I need to be very careful with negative info I tend to absorb all the wrong stuff.  Part me is still dealing with what I have dealing with for years that I am not of value or Worthy of a good life.

So when I read her email and got freaked out.  She didn't have a good relationship with her oncologist and they had a discussion on it being her fault and it stuck me hard.  I thanked her for sharing her story and let her know if I had any questions I would contact her.

I new I couldn't engage in any further discussions with her at this time.  I felt bad but I knew it was not healthy for me.  To easy to slide backwards.

I believe I am a good person and for the most part the only person I have ever really hurt is me.  I have a difficult time making myself first.  With cancer I can't do that anymore me and my health needs to come first.  I am learning to push back and to take care of me.  Honest with me!

I WILL FIGHT FOR ME

Moving forward

So my blood work came back great, so moving forward and another round of chemo in the morning.  Good news is it will be 4 hours instead of 5.5.  I think this is great news and with my meds fixed fingers crossed less vomiting.  SO cheers till next week.

I WILL FIGHT FOR ME

Chemo again

This Friday, I have chemo again; in a strange way getting accustom to it.  It is a part of my life now, it is something I must do to keep moving forward.

Blood work tomorrow and then treatment to rock on Friday!

I WILL FIGHT FOR ME

More good things about chemo

Funny, I never would have thought chemo would teach me so much about myself.  In myself and what I accept for me. 

As you know I have been working on getting to a healthier place with myself.  Mostly on my bike and the gym at work,  but diet really.  With the changes In my body with regards to taste I no longer hide in food.  It no longer has that feel of satisfaction; some food make me actually sick, some have a chemical reaction that makes them taste rude.  NO MORE endorphins :(

Whole real food tastes good or has no flavour just texture.  As a result, chemo has moved me along the self food awareness road.  It may have taken years to get to where I am now.  I now see how much food I was really eating the amount and the size.

I am now eating so healthy we laugh at dinner at what I could justify before.  I would never wish chemo on any one but it sure moved me to a new better place.

Treatment Ready

I was at chemo prep today and all my blood was good.  So we are all set for my next round of chemo in the morning. 

Doctor switched up my meds to so fingers crossed less nausea.  After that I am half thru major chemo dame that was fast. 

I feel really good about treatment so this is where I am supposed to be.

I WILL FIGHT FOR ME

Moving forward

I have decided that chemo is like the waves in the ocean. Some days I know I will be thrown against the rocks and some days I will ride an amazing wave and smile in the sun. But it is a set of waves I must ride.


With learning to surf as in my everyday life being so different from where I thought I would be. From a year ago till I hope a year from now huge swing of difference but all still my life. I have decided to do a couple of major bike rides this year and I plan on doing them better than I have ever done before. This is a challenge while doing chemo but I have decided. First one is in June and is 200k over today. Second on is Austin in October and 100k in one day.

READY SET RIDE,

I WILL FIGHT FOR ME